There is no problem in this world that a good deep conversation cannot solve. Engaging in a deep conversation is an art, and it takes the right person and the right time for one to experience it and master it. Here are some suggestions.
tips to have deep conversations
Talk about your interests-The simplest way to start a deep conversation is to talk about things that interest the other person and would keep them interested in the conversation. When they do not get bored, they would want to dig deep.
Be very open-minded– Be very open-minded when talking to them as it would not only make them feel comfortable but it would also allow them to be more free and open while talking to you. Do not make them feel as if you would judge them.
Have clarity– Have clarity of thought whenever you talk to them. You must make them feel like you have it all figured out, and you are emotionally sorted. This would make you come across as a responsible and reliable person to talk to.
Talk about your past– Talk about your past in a way that will draw them in and make them want to know even more about it. Everyone wants to walk down memory lane, and this curiosity to know about the other person will make the conversation deep.
Make the other person comfortable– Make the person that you are talking to feel comfortable to the best of your limits. They must not have to pretend or hide anything from you. Once they let their guard down, the conversation will be great.
Be a good listener-Being a good listener is one of the greatest skills that you can possess and is very important for any good conversation. Listen to what they have to say with close attention and let them speak their heart out.
Pay attention to detail– Pay attention to every little thing that they say or do when they are around you. Anything from a slight movement to a change in body language will let you know when to take the conversation to a deeper avenue.
Have clear thoughts– Have clear thoughts whenever in a deep conversation. Make sure you know what you are talking about, and all of it is the truth. Be straight and sincere with your opinion, and do not try to fake anything.
Do not pretend– Do not pretend to be a different person. Do not try to be someone that you are not, and most importantly, do not try to create an image of perfection and invincibility. When you are vulnerable, there are more chances of a deep conversation taking place.
Have genuine curiosity– Have genuine curiosity about the things that they are sharing with you. Follow up their thoughts and stories with questions and show real interest in the conversation. Feel free to add a few thoughts of your own too.
Take things slowly– Take things at their own pace and do not try to rush with the talk. You cannot possibly have a deep conversation in the first instance or the first meeting. Have patience; you will know the time is right.
Do not crack a silly joke– Do not crack a stupid joke out of anywhere which might catch them off-guard, make them uncomfortable, and most importantly, disrupt the momentum of the conversation. Feel what they are saying and flow with it.
Have time– A deep conversation can never be wrapped up or even started in the blink of an eye; it needs way more time than your casual day-to-day chat. It needs a lot of time as when people really want to talk; there is no stopping them.
Pick the right place– Pick a place that has a positive, secure, and warm vibe to it. They must be in a mood for a great conversation the moment they step in and would not want to leave the second they sit down for the first time.
Be very prompt– Be very subtle in your hints and signs to lean them on into a good conversation. Start with something casual and gradually keep increasing the intensity of the talk, and they would be too deep into the conversation before they realize.
Feel the room– Feel the atmosphere, take a whiff of the air around you and let them feel free and comfortable to have a great chat. Deep conversations are more about feeling than words, and you need to create that zone for them.
Maintain eye contact– Eye contact is very important to build trust and let the other person know that they can let all their secrets out. Maintain the right kind of eye contact and do not shy away from looking straight into their eyes.
Do not deviate– Do not deviate away from the topic that you are currently on. You are allowed to venture out into a deeper territory of the topic that you are currently on but do not make the mistake of going completely off-topic.
Do not overstep– When you are in the middle of a deep conversation, it is very easy to go overboard and overdo things. The line that you should not cross becomes very blurred, and you might even overstep at times. Learn to check yourself.
Stick to something of common interest initially– Start the chat with something that excited the both of you to level the playing field. Talk about something that makes both of you guys’ eyes sparkle, and you would be sucked into a great conversation.
Know when to switch– Know when to go from the current story to the next and take the conversation to the next level, on a deeper level. Try not to venture too far away to keep the conversation interesting and keep them hooked.
Let them know that they can tell you everything– Assure them that they can trust you with all their secrets without having to worry about anything. Let them know that they can tell you everything in their heart.
Make the first move– It is completely alright for you to make the first move towards the conversation and invite them to join in. They might even thank you and appreciate your decision to do it and would return the favor the next time.
Show genuine interest– Show genuine interest and liking in the things that they are talking about, and they would not be able to stop talking. Add incidents and learnings from your life to their story, and keep connecting.
Talk about personal things– Talk about things that are personal to you, and you have not shared with anyone. You could even try and talk about things that are very personal to them if they are alright with it. Let them know just a little bit more about you than what everyone knows.
Be comfortable around them– Feel comfortable, feel like yourself around them. The groundwork for a deep conversation is set when you feel comfortable in your skin and do not worry about being judged and what the other person might think of you.
Tell them about the stupidest things– It is completely alright to laugh once in a while to lighten the atmosphere before jumping into a deep talk. Tell them about the stupidest and the most amusing things that you have ever experienced.
Do not try to be smart or pretend– Do not try to come across as the smartest person in the room or be better than everyone else. Pretending to be someone that you are not will always stop you from enjoying the conversation.
Be who you really are– Be who you really are from the inside and show them the real side of you. Irrespective of whether you are the softest guy in the room or even the harshest one, always be the real you in front of them.
Do not have any false assumptions– Do not assume that they might not be interested in a conversation or even the opposite that they might want to have one. Find out for yourself, and then decide whether you would want to give it a shot.
Believe in the other person– Belief in the other person to reciprocate the same amount of interest and attention with which you are participating in the conversation. Believe in them to add to this conversation just like you are.
Invest yourself– Invest yourself completely in the conversation and do not hold back your emotions. Let go of yourself and let the emotions take you over for just this once. Nothing should stop you from freely expressing yourself.
Talk about childhood– Discuss each other’s childhood; it is the most innocent way to get to know each other and start a deep conversation at the grassroots level. Tell them everything, from the good to the worst.
Discuss love life– Discussing each other’s love life instantly throws the awkwardness or the inertia out of the room and gets things moving. Ask them about their perception of love and what has been going on in their love life recently.
Ask them about their values and upbringing– Discussing childhood might be a good start, but then make sure to move on to their morale, their value, and the kind of upbringing that they had to not only understand them better but also to have a great chat.
Discuss each others’ bucket lists– Everyone has a bucket list filled with all those things that they would like to do or experience before they die. Ask them about their list and what are the most exciting things that they wish to do, do tell them about yours too.
Get them to open up to you– Get them to open up to you like they never have. Get them to talk to you about the things that they always have a hard time discussing or opening up. Make them feel comfortable when they are not.
Talk about things like art, literature, and so on– Talk about things such as literature, artists, and other things that excite them. Discuss their favorite artists and their masterpieces, do let them on your opinion about them if you have one.
Ask them about their favorites– Ask them simple questions like their favorite color, their favorite food, or even their favorite tourist destination. Asking such questions helps in increasing familiarity and sets up the mood for a deep conversation.
Discuss idols and motivation– Discuss their idols and what inspires them to look up to them. Ask them about the people or the reasons behind their motivation and what pushes them to get out of bed every single morning.
Tell them about your low phase– Discuss the times when you did not feel like yourself and were at the lowest in your life. Let them in on the darkest phase of your life and let them know how you managed to overcome it all.
Learn where to begin, and end– A good talker always knows when to begin a conversation and when to bid goodbye. Try to keep them interested for as long as you can hold on to their attention but when you know that it’s time, end the conversation before they do it themselves.
Leave the conversation incomplete– Leaving the conversation on an open note does two things. One, they would be left curious about what you were talking about or what happened next. Two, they would want another deep conversation soon.
Find a window– Find a window of opportunity to break through to their defense and start talking about the things that really matter and are important to them. It is very important to get them to open up to you in the conversation.
Come up with topics they love– Keep coming up with topics that get them excited and would make them want to keep talking. Shower them with all the things that they enjoy talking about and discussing in the world.
Have follow-up questions or sentences ready– Be prepared with a few lines or a set of questions ready at the back of your hand to ask them when they are telling you a story or putting forward their opinion about something important to them.
Not everything they say needs a reaction– Understand that although it is important to engage completely in the conversation, you do not necessarily react to every little thing that they say or do. Sometimes silence is the best response.
It is okay to be vulnerable– It is completely fine to show them the vulnerable side of you. Being vulnerable in front of someone does not prove that you are weak; it just shows that you trust that person enough to show them your weaker side.
Be in the moment– Be right there with them at that moment, and keep your brain focused on them only. Do not zone out or allow your brain to venture out into some other place where you would not be able to pay attention to what they are saying.
Try to be optimistic– Surround them with so much positivity that talking about the scariest or most negative things would feel like a walk in the park for them. Be optimistic and keep all the bad thoughts away from them.
Have great responses– Be ready with prompt responses and blow them away by your wit. When you are completely focused at that moment, responses like that would come naturally to you, do not try too hard to force it into the conversation.
Know when they have lost interest– Understand that the attention span of any human being is limited by time, and no matter how much you try, once that span runs out, there is nothing that you can do except end the conversation on a happy note.
Have a learning experience– Treat the deep conversation as a learning experience. Make sure that when the chat is over, both of you guys go back home having learned something new. Make sure such conversations add value to their life and vice versa.
Stay in touch– Stay in touch for as long as you can and follow up your conversation with small texts. Every time that they see the text, they would be reminded of that conversation, and all those talks would linger with them for a longer time.
Smile- Always have a pleasant and welcoming smile on your face. Even if you can fake everything else in the world, one can never fake a smile, and they would immediately want to have a conversation with you.
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